


Isolated system

by WolfLion



Series: Music of thoughts [1]
Category: The Losers (2010), The Losers - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Talking to the dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-25
Updated: 2012-10-25
Packaged: 2017-11-17 00:50:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/545696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfLion/pseuds/WolfLion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Time passes and things are odd.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Isolated system

**Author's Note:**

> Either you the reader will hate this or need a hankie.

Jacob wasn't sure how he ended up on Cat Island in the Bahamas or why his mind had put him here but he was pretty sure he was proof of an isolated system.  All of the hacked accounts and fake ids had been helpful for the past six months.  Ever since Vancouver, that threat of something just behind him tracking him was getting worse.  But there was something calming about Grumble Hill. 

That was the name of the house he had bought for 1.4 Million dollars (with the CIA and Max’s money). “Grumble Hill" is more than a hill top house; it is “green” in one of the highest spots in the Bahamas. Tropical in concept, all of the rooms have 20 foot ceilings. It also has rainwater collection tank that holds 30,000+ gallons of water and there are two additional tanks of 4000+ gallons for the veggie gardens, sugar apple trees, grape vines, creeping fig, and mangoes. Power is clean, quiet, and solar.  Cause there was a lot of sun and wind here.  He was also fairly far away from everyone.  He only made it into town for little things.  Coffee, Flour, eggs and meat was what was usually on the grocery list.  Some times, he would get a flight over to Nassau for more computer parts.  Mostly he just puttered around the house.

Well, if he had to be totally truthful at least to himself he did stuff around the house and talked to Carlos and Cougar’s ghost.  He tells Cougar about the fact that he loves the spiral staircase to the roof in the main house.  How he is fixing a snipers blind up there and how the sight lines have to be the best.  That he hates the idea that he is going to have to take the blind down when the hurricanes come.  “Because you need to stay safe Cougs.”; Yeah, cause a stray bad wind is so going to hurt a ghost.

 He goes fishing from the beach and does a little spear fishing.  When he misses he swears he hears Carlos laugh and tell him he is going to go start diner cause Jake can’t fish.  It doesn't help when he answers that if cats liked the water maybe Carlos could catch supper.  Cause don’t cats like fish?  He talks to Carlos more than Cougar in his head and out loud as well.  He tells Carlos how happy he is that he got the green beans and field peas started and how it is kinda fun to plant things and have them grow.  He tells him of how he fell asleep on the hammock again and dreamed that Clay told him he was proud of how Jensen made it out alive.  How he is planning to go out to town and get a bottle of vodka and drink the ghosts to sleep. 

It makes his heart hurt when he tells the both of them about how there was a woman in the pub that was an expat as well.  How they got drunk and he fucked her behind the pub in the dark and how he felt dirty afterward.  That he knows he is going insane and he is not sure how far he is gone.  He knows he is falling to pieces.  That he is going to stop talking to them cause he can’t lose it totally yet.  He promised Pooch they would meet again on the anniversary of everything going to hell.  He was just has to hold out two years before he eats a bullet. Cause he is not sure what is going to happen if he tries to stop talking to them.  Hells, he is not even sure he _can_ stop. 

It takes him almost two months to stop talking to the both of them.  Jacob knows then he is screwed.  The sound of his voice when he has to go into town is a rusty deep groan of a voice.  After he gets back to the house, sees Carlos out of the corner of his eye and he falls down sobbing.  He knows he says he is sorry that he quit talking to them.  His own voice scared him.  He whispers how sorry he is that his silence has made Carlos so thin and tired looking.  He whispers how much it hurts to know that this is all a hallucination.  Maybe he has schizophrenia. He tells Carlos how much he misses him.  How much he hates being alone and how isolated systems can not exist in nature or energy they are a paradoxical. He can be a closed system but he is not a universe so no isolated system for him.  If he was a closed system which can exchange energy with its surroundings but not matter he would still not be with Carlos and Cougar and with an open system, which can exchange both matter and energy is what he really want, but Carlos had to be real for that to happen.  He knows he is rambling but the tactile hallucination of Carlos wiping his tears away and bringing him to the couch, stripping off his clothes till he is comfortable is so very nice. 

As he starts to fall a sleep he he wonders if he should eat a bullet in the morning.  He was not meant to be a closed or isolated system.  He _needs_ Carlos to function.  His last words before he sleeps are to tell Carlos he loves him.  He loves him and wishes that Carlos was real.  Cause then they could be one person and maybe he could forgive Jake. He wants to be an open system with Carlos and Cougar. Closed systems are unstable. Jacob just wants to be stable.

 

 


End file.
